Feeling like a Failure?

In this competitive, hustling and bustling world, success is seen as the sure sign that you’re achieving.

Success has always been dressed as something desirable. It’s the big golden medal, it’s winning the race, it’s the punch in the air and being congratulated by peers.

So, what happens if, for whatever reason, you feel like you rarely are – or never have been – successful? What happens if you feel like you’re on the very flip side of the coin… What happens if you feel like a failure?

The word failure feels so very heavy and condemning. Translated it means, ‘to not meet a desirable or intended objective.’

Which allows little to no room for human error.

It’s not surprising, with success and failure in polar positions, that we perceive anything that doesn’t reach our standards and expectations as failing. After all, we have been conditioned, from a young age, to work hard, so we will be successful. Some of us may have been told, ‘if at first you don’t succeed, try try again’.

This mentality is one very unforgiving to the fragility and diversity of the human experience. Life is never that black or white, or clear cut. One can work every day and night, but their business can still go bankrupt. A couple can go to relationship counselling but may still breakup.

So, what happens if you have tried, tried again, but you never received what you wanted?

Firstly, some self – compassion is needed. It’s incredibly hard not to feel devastated and defeated when something doesn’t pan out as planned. And it’s perfectly natural to hold grief for what might have been. For some situations, things may feel a little too overwhelming, and, in these cases, it is vital that you seek out the guidance and support of a GP or a mental health professional.

To be mindful, it’s important to remember that success isn’t a sign of how worthy we are. In this unpredictable life we can try our best but still struggle to reach goals due to circumstances out of our control. This does not label you as a failure.

There may be instances in life where you recognise that yes, mistakes were made and maybe on your behalf. But how fundamentally human this is. Slipups can provide valuable lessons and experiences that can never be taught. To show that accountability and awareness is not failing but essential growth.

What is truly more important is valuing the person you are – not on what you have done. Being kind – hearted, insightful, thoughtful… looking at all your attributes and qualities that isn’t tied to any award or accomplishment. Your personality, your warmth, your energy, this is what you bring to this world as a human being.

Here is a quote for some self – reflection.

Be softer with you.

You are a breathing thing,

A memory to someone.

A home to a life

Nayyirah Waheed